Alright, y’all. Big news time! 💖 All good, but some the kind of good-but-painful that you get from hard life decisions and growth.

Without beating around the bush excessively: Joe and I will be moving back to Colorado pretty imminently, but Bruce is actually gonna be staying in Maine.

To put it simplest: it’s a health and stability thing, not any kind of terrible falling out or change in feelings between us. Bruce and I have talked a lot, over a long time, and because of us both ending up way more intensely disabled than we realized or could’ve accounted for when we got married, we aren’t able to take the kind of care of each other we want to while also taking care of ourselves.
We were kind of stuck in a holding pattern of trying to shore each other up while falling apart ourselves, not sure how to stabilize without having to let go of the other and leave the other drowning, which we care too much for each other to be able to do.

Eventually, Joe unexpectedly coming onto the scene as a highly caregiving-oriented partner for me ended up demonstrating to all of us how much help I really do need after the strokes, and how much better I do, and how much more I can do for myself, when I get that help, and ALSO how much better Bruce does when he’s not trying to give me all this care that he’s struggling to be able to give himself right now.
Talking about it, both of us like the idea of giving the other a chance to step away and stabilize ourselves without having to worry that it means letting go of each other entirely and forever.

So, yeah; after much discussion and heavy conversation and maybe some crying but actually no yelling at or being upset with each other, Bruce and I have decided to amicably separate, semi-indefinitely, with the intention to reunite if/when our respective health situations stabilize enough for us to be the kind of partner the other needs.
Bruce is gonna finish out the lease in Maine into this summer at least, and Joe and I are going to move back to Colorado at the end of January/beginning of February. Joe and I have acquired a 2 bedroom apartment at our awesome old complex in Littleton, and there’s very much room for Bruce to come join us in whatever capacity he wants/feels able to later on when things stabilize, but for now, we’re each gonna be focusing on stabilizing ourselves, getting on top of our disabilities, and figuring out who we are now in light of them before we try to partner up again.

Let me really, truly emphasize—we all intend to remain friends and family, and nobody is mad at anybody, and no cold shoulders or grudges are at all called for. No feelings have changed substantially between us, only the situation has. Bruce and Joe are friends and cool with each other, and are both doing really loving things to help prepare for this shift, from Bruce teaching Joe to cook my favorite tofu dishes to Joe helping Bruce with Maine-based paperwork.
This is not a failed relationship in any way; it is a successful and loving one that has made the very hard choice to create space for everybody involved to be able to be healthy and stable enough to pursue their happiness.

Bruce and I continue to love each other a lot, and what matters most to us is that we’re both able to be okay, and this decision has been made totally mutually and in the pursuit of that goal, despite it being a complicated choice that gives us both a lot of sadness while still clearly being the correct thing to do for everyone’s wellbeing.
Bruce is still my beloved best friend, my confidante, the human being who has saved my life the most times, and he’ll always be part of my family, regardless of what we ever are on paper; please continue to treat him accordingly. 💖