Dear comically underpaid FBI/NSA underling interns having to comb through all the things of mine and my silly little friends that the AI bots flag for you, satirical and serious alike:

I am not suspicious! Nay—I am but a noisy little wheel that spins nowhere!
I’m too disabled to leave my home and be troublesome!
I’m just a smol lil writer with the constitution of a wilting victorian maiden!
Yes!
Yes, I, I am just—
Just a poor, disabled lil silly writer, simply a cartoon mouse with brain damage!
Just a sellout comedian writing mad nonsense for monetized engagement!
Just saying anything online for clicks, yes!
All simply an effort to buy soup, soup for my family! 🙃

Truly, I hope they waste lots of resources figuring out that I’m too disabled to even make my own meals and shower without supervision, let alone do any direct street action. That I talk so much because I’m a BEAUTIFUL LIGHTHOUSE, not a BATTLESHIP AT SEA. I exist to blast light into the dark, to guide my people on their way, to do what I can to keep them safe.

Cuz you know the thing I can do when I’m mostly homebound and bedbound and too sick-scrambled to do anything else useful?
I can make VERY LOUD NOISES while my community gnaws away at the straps of their boots and does the direct action I can’t.
I can sit here in bed, and I can laugh loudly in the face of fascism and try to make you laugh, too.
Fascism cannot survive not being taken seriously, and it relies on advance compliance based in fear.

I do know they could come for me. My loved ones remind me often, because they worry.
Speaking out, loudly and often, is dangerous, even with an audience as small as mine.

The funny thing is, I have spent SO LONG being terrified of EVERYTHING. I was raised in a town that called me a “darkie”, and where my classmates repeatedly terrorized me and tried to end my life between classes for being too queer, fat, dark, and/or nonChristian.

It’s funny that fascists are giving me my first ever access to freedom from that endless, pantophobic fear, just by making me—us—being afraid of them a key point in their agenda. Their plans REQUIRE us to be too afraid to live loudly as ourselves in front of them, too afraid to call them out for being stupid and horrid, too afraid to laugh in their flaccid, grey-orange faces.

I refuse to be complicit in their agenda; thus, I must release my fear.

I can’t pretend it’s not there, but I can learn to feel it and let it flow through me until its power over me diminishes.
With every incoherent, verbose monstrosity of a personal essay and bitingly sardonic antifascist shitpost I make, I become minutely stronger, and fascism’s hold becomes minutely weaker.

If they ever do come for me, don’t stop laughing at them, don’t ever give them the control they want.

Because here’s the thing: we are predatory apes who evolved to cooperate, to share responsibility and work in communities, all so that we can bask in the sun, make art, make love, eat delicious fruit, drink clean water, write poetry, get care when we’re injured or ill, and generally enjoy our existences.

Not one of us was made to live in fear or poverty or shame for who we are, let alone made to line somebody else’s pockets with surplus while we live in deprivation with our necks under their boots—not ONE. I got a degree in anthropology, okay, and I swear, the majority of the population living as wageslaves without hope of a better life beyond MAYBE being able to afford the cost of living someday is *not* part of human nature, it is a carefully manufactured way of life, instituted by greedy people who had a head start and no sense of empathy or moral backbone.

They don’t listen when we speak, they condemn our peaceful pushback, and sometimes it feels so hopeless that I want to scream.

But it’s not. If it were hopeless, they wouldn’t need their propaganda. They wouldn’t need us frightened of their power. They wouldn’t send 2,700 troops to try to suppress one city of people to instill fear in the rest of us.

(Which is, of course, RIDICULOUS. The NeoNazi Cheeto Man needs almost 3k troops to even begin to TRY to quell ONE CITY of queers, actors, and immigrants? The people he says are lesser than *his* people? Ha! What a loser. Does he try to add random pieces to the board when he’s losing at chess, too? Wait, he can’t play chess, he can’t even find his own butt with both hands. And I say this as someone who has brain damage and can still confidently say that at least I’m not *that* brain damaged. Put that man in a diaper and a padded room and give him some soup. Possibly to the face, still canned.)

So, yeah. Seriously, hilariously? Laughter is powerful. Laughter is a reminder that they do not control the narrative inside us, no matter how much media spin they buy. We must laugh in their faces at the idea that the world was made for anyone to rule, let alone that any among us were made to be their disposable labor force.

We must laugh at the very idea that their fascist order is natural, meaningful, or anything but a pathetic farce played out by greedy imbeciles grabbing endlessly for more at the expense of the entire rest of the human community.

We must laugh, even with blood on our teeth and fear nipping at our heels.

We must be wilder than fear.