Colorado

Big Changes Coming Up!

~ Shimmerlacrum ~ 1 Comment

Alright, y’all. Big news time! 💖 All good, but some the kind of good-but-painful that you get from hard life decisions and growth.

Without beating around the bush excessively: Joe and I will be moving back to Colorado pretty imminently, but Bruce is actually gonna be staying in Maine.

To put it simplest: it’s a health and stability thing, not any kind of terrible falling out or change in feelings between us. Bruce and I have talked a lot, over a long time, and because of us both ending up way more intensely disabled than we realized or could’ve accounted for when we got married, we aren’t able to take the kind of care of each other we want to while also taking care of ourselves.
We were kind of stuck in a holding pattern of trying to shore each other up while falling apart ourselves, not sure how to stabilize without having to let go of the other and leave the other drowning, which we care too much for each other to be able to do.

Eventually, Joe unexpectedly coming onto the scene as a highly caregiving-oriented partner for me ended up demonstrating to all of us how much help I really do need after the strokes, and how much better I do, and how much more I can do for myself, when I get that help, and ALSO how much better Bruce does when he’s not trying to give me all this care that he’s struggling to be able to give himself right now.
Talking about it, both of us like the idea of giving the other a chance to step away and stabilize ourselves without having to worry that it means letting go of each other entirely and forever.

So, yeah; after much discussion and heavy conversation and maybe some crying but actually no yelling at or being upset with each other, Bruce and I have decided to amicably separate, semi-indefinitely, with the intention to reunite if/when our respective health situations stabilize enough for us to be the kind of partner the other needs.
Bruce is gonna finish out the lease in Maine into this summer at least, and Joe and I are going to move back to Colorado at the end of January/beginning of February. Joe and I have acquired a 2 bedroom apartment at our awesome old complex in Littleton, and there’s very much room for Bruce to come join us in whatever capacity he wants/feels able to later on when things stabilize, but for now, we’re each gonna be focusing on stabilizing ourselves, getting on top of our disabilities, and figuring out who we are now in light of them before we try to partner up again.

Let me really, truly emphasize—we all intend to remain friends and family, and nobody is mad at anybody, and no cold shoulders or grudges are at all called for. No feelings have changed substantially between us, only the situation has. Bruce and Joe are friends and cool with each other, and are both doing really loving things to help prepare for this shift, from Bruce teaching Joe to cook my favorite tofu dishes to Joe helping Bruce with Maine-based paperwork.
This is not a failed relationship in any way; it is a successful and loving one that has made the very hard choice to create space for everybody involved to be able to be healthy and stable enough to pursue their happiness.

(photo: a family of 3 exhausted humanoids, mid-moving process. L to R: Bruce, Astrid, Joe.)

Bruce and I continue to love each other a lot, and what matters most to us is that we’re both able to be okay, and this decision has been made totally mutually and in the pursuit of that goal, despite it being a complicated choice that gives us both a lot of sadness while still clearly being the correct thing to do for everyone’s wellbeing.
Bruce is still my beloved best friend, my confidante, the human being who has saved my life the most times, and he’ll always be part of my family, regardless of what we ever are on paper; please continue to treat him accordingly. 💖

(photo: snow clouds rolling in and blanketing the view of a pass in Boulder, CO last week)

Art, the Plethodon, and NaNoWriMo’s Coming Dystopian Cyberpunk Future

~ Shimmerlacrum ~ Leave a comment

Digital art in general is still very new to me, as are technical skills with things like perspective and the sharp, rigid geometry of cityscapes. To practice, rather than continuing to collage skylines and cityscapes and buildings in general from other art, which can be frustrating and make me feel like a copycat, I’ve started drawing from photos I’m taking in the area where I live.

For right now, I’m not editorializing a huge amount, just doing things like adding mountains to images in places where you can’t actually see the mountains (to still give the feeling of being surrounded by all these huge, towering peaks,) turning ugly architecture into colorful murals and signage, and getting rid of things that, while fine in real life, make for too much visual noise in a simple image or simple animation.

a street view I drew in RiNo, an art district in Denver

In tandem with my learning animation efforts, I’ve been planning out my project for this year’s NaNoWriMo. My friends in my writing group have been egging me on to do this cyberpunk dystopia magical girl story I’ve been toying around with. It would be set in a post-apocalyptic and re-settled-by-space-humans version of Denver, so I’ve begun trying to visualize a version of this place that’s fairly recognizable, but that I can play with creatively and see how I’d change it and how I’d have the re-settling humans interpret the leftovers of our society. What would last, what would fade away, and what would be wildly misinterpreted?

In doing this, I’ve started looking around where I live for things that space humans re-settling the area might find interesting, valuable, or worthy of note. The first place my mind jumped to was the first place that made me feel like Denver might be worth living in—Convergence Station. It’s this incredible immersive art museum that depicts a multidimensional transit station and is one of the few places in this city that—bizarre as it may sound—feel like home to me.

Meow Wolf Denver: Convergence Station

There’s this marvelous statue out front, by the car park. They call it The Plethodon.

Plethodon statue in front of Meow Wolf Denver: Convergence Station

Every time I see it, I think that Quetzalcoatl was possibly not, in fact, meant to be a literal feathered snake, but an exalted, deified form of the Mexican axolotl—and that the statue is exactly what a cute, anime version of one of his kind would look like. And while I know this strangely elegant statue is probably not built to last through the centuries, I decided that it’s too cool to get rid of, and it—or at least an homage to it—needs to be featured in my fictional cyberpunk version of Denver, and that I need to draw it.

I haven’t finished the Plethodon piece I started yesterday, but here’s where it’s up to so far:

WIP animation of rainbow Plethodon against the changing sky

Unfortunately, due to the workout all this animation practice has been giving it, my hand/arm/shoulder is so irritated and sore today that I can’t hold the pencil for more than 2 or so minutes before it starts to ache and go stingingly numb, so I guess I’m not finishing this piece tonight! But I did at least get the Plethodon’s eye and shine spots colored in so there’s no more entirely-blank areas. Tomorrow, please, hand, could you let me get back to work? Ideally, I wanna extend the timeframe a bit, as well as add things like clouds, cars, and birds. But like…ow, hand. Ow.

Anyway, that’s where I’m up to in this whole “teaching myself animation by feel” thing so far! While there’s definitely a lot of frustration involved, I’m really enjoying having something to work on that doesn’t require me to berate myself or feel like a failure if it doesn’t turn out right. Pre-stroke Alena had no experience or ability with digital art or animation, so there’s nothing to compare myself to and kick myself for not living up to, and there’s no sellable product I’m supposed to be achieving and worrying about whether or not people will like. I’m just…doing something for me. It’s a new and nice feeling; sort of fluttery and hopeful. Even if I hit a dead end with the animation stuff, I think the feeling of that lack of pressure is important to note and remember to try and return to when I’m feeling stuck. 💖

The Plethodon, illuminated in rainbow colors

Bonus: I didn’t even know this until after I started this animation—in fact, until I started writing this post and found photos of it at night—but the statue is actually sometimes illuminated in rainbow colors in real life, too! I am delighted by this development, and the funny little symmetry of having animated it that way just because I thought it would be cool! 😆