Kpop Demon Hunters: An (not mental) Extended (and excited) Breakdown

This is going to be disorganized, rambly, and way too long, but…my mom keeps asking me to somehow say all the things I said to her while showing her the movie, but on video (too long, I tried!) or in some other way she can share with her husband and friends, because she feels like the movie wouldn’t have had the same impact on her without it. That touched me a lil bit, ngl, and so I wanted to try!

I don’t have a perfectly polished thing put together with which to do that, but I don’t know that I’ll ever manage one, so I’m gonna share this, because it’s what I have! 😅💖

(I’ve written it in “purple girl” “demon boy” style references to characters rather than using their names a lot of the time, because I know that at least my mom had trouble following so many names at first.)

Disclaimer: I’m a disabled, brain-damaged person who does not have any expertise in Korea or Korean culture, I don’t speak Korean, and I am not Korean myself. (Mostly Italian, some Irish and German and other European shenanigans in there.) The closest I’ve got are some adopted Korean cousins, sorry.) I do have a BA in (mostly cultural, focus on folklore and identity) Anthropology, and an MFA in creative writing (focusing on popular fiction and poetry,) and I feel *fairly* comfortable talking about my views from that perspective—but again, I’m not Korean, and Korean things are not My AreaTM, so if anything is incorrect or off-base, a) I’m very sorry, and b) please let me know and gently correct me!

⚠️ MAJOR Kpop Demon Hunters plot spoilers ahead, because there’s literally no way to talk about why it is what it is without them, oops ⚠️

So! Here we go.

A screencap from the movie: the shadows of the HUNTR/X girls are superimposed over glowing smoke

I am not, in general, a kpop fan.

I loathe CG animation, and it usually makes me feel motion sick to watch. 

I cannot blame anybody for seeing all the Kpop Demon Hunters hype and going, “eugh, no thanks; something that appeals to that many people in the mainstream can’t actually have any substance.” 

However…it has become my favorite movie. 😆🫣😂

Despite me not liking, or even really knowing anything about, kpop at all, as well as *hating* CG animation.

And that takes a *lot* to overcome, so I the fact that it *has* become my favorite, (and this insanely deep of a special interest,) is kind of absurd, and I *wanna explain why*, even if just for my own enjoyment. 😂 

A screencap from the movie: Zoey roars her rap lyrics into the face of an opponent rapper

So, the thing is, I got into it before they had done a ton of advertising (I was part of the insane, “inexplicable”—word of mouth among both delighted Koreans, and Asian expats in general, as well as folklore and mysticism academics *worldwide* isn’t inexplicable, but okay, sure, people—five week balloon in viewership; not quite ahead of the curve enough for hipster cred, not far behind it enough to be influenced by the movie’s mainstream popularity,) and so the lens I viewed the movie through was one of academic curiosity about the content, and wasn’t really tainted by fandom opinions or public popularity. 

A screencap from the movie: HUNTR/X fans scream and cheer excitedly before a show

And while I’m SO glad people are stoked about it, and want them to keep watching and supporting it for *whatever* their reasons are, I *do* wish my less-mainstream-oriented friends weren’t so put off watching it by the immense swell of mainstream interest, (especially from children and heart-eyed teenagers who can only see it as a romantic plot,) and could watch it through the same lens I was able to. 

SINCE THEY CAN’T, I keep ending up finding it *deeply frustrating* to not be able to easily drag them into watching my favorite movie—and even when some of them do, they inevitably watch it without really paying full attention and absorbing the details, and they’re like, “yeah, cute movie, catchy songs, whatever.” 

It causes me 😩🤌🏼✨ *nearly physical pain*.

A screencap from the movie: Mira, towel on her head, drags smears of green glitter over her eyes and down her cheeks while screaming ferociously

Because what I want to explain to them, in a way they can hear, is: 

The stuff the wider world of (especially kiddos, whose brains aren’t even developed enough yet to be *able* to critically consume their media, so sincerely *zero* shade to them for not doing so) mainstream fans are squealing about is not only *not* why I love the film, it’s also largely—at least by my own assessment after watching it and reading about it…an autistic special interest amount, but totally feel free to watch and read and discuss and have your own opinions, these are just mine—*inaccurate*, in terms of understanding what the movie was trying to convey, especially anything that’s not *explicitly* spelled out with blunt words about it onscreen.

A screencap from the movie: fans scream and cheer, their eyes turning to hearts and sparkles, as they watch the Saja Boys perform

(But also, the movie predicted those fans, and shows *so much love for them*, whether they grasp all the nuance in the plot or not—they are represented by the Saja Boys’ earnest fandom in the movie. And I wanna be clear that I’m not dissing them; they’re why this IP might *actually get more content*, and I love them for that alone.) 

A screencap from the movie: a phone screen shows fans posting about “RUJINU?! Playing footsie?!” over a photo of Rumi and Jinu’s feet near each other—when in fact Rumi had been stamping on Jinu’s foot in outrage

Okay…so, my 2 MAIN issues with how the movie keeps getting advertised and portrayed now that it’s caught on with the full mainstream population—

First, it’s not a children’s movie. The fact that it’s a colorful, animated movie doesn’t make it for kids, much like how anime isn’t *all aimed at children*.

A screencap from the movie: Abby Saja’s shirt buttons rip off and his shirt flies open from the sheer power of him flexing his abs

It’s a *family friendly* movie that covers some heavy, adult themes, but does so in a way that kids will miss, while adults can follow.

A screencap from the movie: Zoey’s eyes have turned into buttered corn on the cob due to how hot she finds Abby’s abs

The characters are *not kids*, the “girls” are canonically in their mid-20s, and the “boys” are immortal demons, who, for the most part, cannot die—even if they girls “kill” them with their spirit weapons, just respawn in their demon dimension/the Korean underworld, sorta.

A screencap from the movie: a demon dissolves into pink fire as it is slain with a spirit weapon

Every single named character in the film is a full adult; the Huntrix girls are canonically in their 20s (as a shoutout to EJAE for getting told she was “too old” to be a kpop idol in her 20s,) and the Saja Boys are, again, *immortal demons*; Jinu alone is 400 years old. 

A screencap from the movie: a flashback to Jinu’s life as a musician over 400 years ago

As my nesting partner pointed out: if it were a video game, Kpop Demon Hunters would be rated “E for everyone.”

Second…the movie is NOT a romance. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Like…at all??

People (especially young fans online) act like it’s a romance????? 

A screencap from the movie: an overenthused “Rujinu” fan stares and smiles unsettlingly at Jinu and Rumi, asking if they’re whispering together (in a romantic way) and says, “Your secret’s safe with me.” Rumi and Jinu are not whispering romantically, he’s trying to manipulate her about her demon side.

But it is NOT, 😩 and the reputation it’s getting for being one as its global child and mainstream popularity swells due to the pretty colors and catchy songs does *not* spark joy for me. 😭😭

It’s HIGHLY platonic-focused and queer-coded. 

A screencap from the movie: Mira, Zoey, and Rumi talk over dinner in their shared home, wearing pajamas; Zoey reaches out an arm to squeeze Rumi’s shoulder comfortingly

Like…REALLY INTENTIONALLY. 😆 That’s not just me saying it, either; the co-director, Maggie Kang, has said she *wrote it that way on purpose*, and it even says so *very* bluntly in the main Wikipedia article on the movie, it’s not even *hidden*. 😆😂😭😩🤌🏼✨

A screenshot of text from the main Wikipedia article on Kpop Demon Hunters

Like…4/5ths of the relationships focused on in the movie are between people who have (queer)platonic or familial bonds, not romantic ones—

  1. Purple girl’s relationship with demon bad boy—which, yes, *is* admittedly very *pre-romantic*, but it *never goes that far*, and in *not* going that far, it addresses the fairly universal—whether a childhood best friend who moves away, or an adult situationship that ends in heartbreak—experience of, “a person I had deep attachment to is gone from my life…why? what even *were* we to each other? did it *count*? were we ever anything meaningful to each other?” 
  2. Purple girl’s relationship with her (subtly manipulative, very morally grey, largely because of her own, more conservative, traditional views) foster mother—who is *hilariously* murder-lesbian-coded, and was seemingly in love with purple girl’s (dead) mom, and bitter about purple girl’s existence in the first place; 
  3. More subliminally, purple girl’s relationship to her dead mom and dad—without it being stated super explicitly, it’s…very clearly chalk-outlined, for the adults to pick up on, that her foster mother *absolutely* let her assume the worst about the circumstances of her own conception, ie that it probably was involuntary on her mother’s part, (and specifically indoctrinated purple girl to believe that demons can’t and don’t have feelings, which is untrue, since they’re primarily controlled by the Big Bad Boss Guy through their own shame;)
  4. Purple girl’s relationship with her fellow bandmates (let’s call them pink and teal)—who love her deeply, but whom purple girl’s foster mom has (vehemently) indoctrinated the purple girl to hide her half-demon nature (depicted as dark, almost bruise-colored lightning-like patterns on the skin) from; and, in a smaller way, 
  5. The 3 main girls’ relationship with their (short, chubby, gloriously NOT comic relief, deeply lovable) manager guy, who is a sort of stand-in uncle/big brother/soft masc figure in their lives, when they’re otherwise surrounded by either family or objects of attraction/annoyance—he gets his own mini arc about his usefulness and self worth.
A screencap from the movie: Bobby’s phone screen shows the Saja Boys’ lion logo and the words “JOIN THE PRIDE!”

The *main* emotional arc of the movie is to explore the question, “would my friends and family still love me if they knew who I really was?” 

A screencap from the movie: a half-transformed demonoid Rumi weeps and pleads for the other HUNTR/X girls not to leave her behind

and even more explicitly, “would they still want me around if they knew how dark and dirty and deviant I really am under my masking behaviors?” 

A screencap from the movie: Rumi pulls down the zipper on the collar of her shirt, showing her demon patterns having spread to cover her throat

Yes, the purple girl and the bad boy have a deep and complex connection!

No, they never even confess or kiss. 🤦🏻‍♀️

They in fact just…awkwardly make friends with each other while (obviously) having (at least aesthetic) crushes on each other, and clearly not knowing how to behave authentically while doing either thing, but each desperately wanting to *figure out* what authenticity with *anyone* would look like for them??

4 screencaps from the movie: Jinu and Rumi’s reaction faces when finding out a fan ships them together romantically

They *do* sing at each other about facing the shame their traditional Korean upbringings and also generational trauma have instilled in them about themselves together, with each other’s support, and feeling very seen and heard by the other, and do hold hands briefly while floating in the sky and singing about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s…literally the whole romance. 

A screencap from the movie: Jinu and Rumi hold hands in while floating in the sky

If that *were the plot of a romance story*, it would be deeply unsatisfying and…just…bad. 😮‍💨

However, it’s *not* a romance story! It’s a “we threw in a romantically-coded subplot so the straights would watch our obviously queer as fuck movie” story (kinda like “The Road to El Dorado,” tbh—and also, Maggie Kang *will not shut up* about the intentional queercoding and platonic life partner focuses in the movie—I love her—which is part of why the studio originally *didn’t think it would be successful* and sold it to Netflix,) 

A screencap from the movie: Rumi and Jinu’s demon-patterned hands almost clasp

and a “we threw in pretty, color-coded, anime-ish-looking hot people so the non-Asians would actually watch it and relate to the characters as if they were white, therefore culturally humanizing us while we get away with making a movie that is a love letter to Korean culture while still addressing how it needs to change” story.

A screencap from the movie: the Saja Boys and HUNTR/X both stand on a stage

Demon bad boy does sacrifice himself to save purple girl at the very end! 

A screencap from the movie: Jinu blocks a blast of Gwi-Ma’s power with his own body, keeping it from striking Rumi

Buuut he’s also a morally grey, self-serving asshole who betrays the fuck out of her to get himself out of very literal PTSD flashback hell first, and actively kills a lot of people first, and is *not* saving her because he’s in love with her and love conquers all, or whatever. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

A screencap from the movie: A blank-faced Jinu snaps his fingers to dismiss the demon copies of Mira and Zoey he used to betray Rumi

It is largely *very* clearly portrayed to anyone who isn’t viewing it through a Twilight-fogged lens that he sacrifices himself to save her because 

a) her choice to stand up in her own skin at the end in spite of her own “demons”, aka shame, along with overwhelming battle odds, and betrayal by everyone who claimed to love her, *inspires* him to face his own demons and shame for the first time, like she did;

A screencap from the movie: Jinu looks on as Rumi takes a huge blow from Gwi-Ma but refuses to give in

and 

b) because his demon form being obliterated by the Big Boss Bad Guy would, ultimately, free him from his endless-feeling (400 years so far) very literal PTSD flashback hell, *whether purple chick wins the battle or not*, which means he does actually get the reward of the freedom he wanted from the beginning of the movie (even if it’s not the reward heart-eyed teenagers wanted to see; they always want a *kiss*. 🙄😮‍💨)

A screencap from the movie: Jinu’s form begins to erode and dissolve under the assault of demonic fire from Gwi-Ma.

The movie’s theme isn’t, “they end up together despite everything, because this is a romance and that’s how the genre works,” 

or even, “he sacrifices himself to save her because love conquers all”, 

NO—

it’s “casting off shame and self-loathing is the only way to truly know if you’ll be accepted and loved by anyone, including yourself,”

A screencap from the movie: the HUNTR/X girls are surrounded by rainbow energy from their loving fans as they cast of their shame and accept themselves and each other as they are

and, “giving people a chance is not the same as letting them ruin (or take) your life to have that chance,”

A screencap from the movie: Rumi holds Jinu at swordpoint

and, “do not just blindly obey adults telling you to keep secrets,”

A screencap from the movie: Celine holds her hand over a young Rumi’s sleeve, covering the place where her patterns are, speaking in her ear

and, “even if they have feelings for you, people will often betray you to pursue things to their own advantage anyway,” 

A screencap from the movie: Jinu rounds angrily on Rumi, his patterns and eyes flashing with anger

and, “the only way to really save anyone from their own darkness or weakness is to show them what doing better *looks like* and how to *get there*,” 

A screencap from the movie: Rumi, flanked by Mira and Zoey, holds her head high, her patterns flashing rainbow colors, and marches into battle while Jinu (offscreen) looks on

and, “it’s okay to be attracted to hot bad boys, but do not let that attraction color your decisions or your actions”, 

A screencap from the movie: Zoey’s eyes pour erotic popcorn into her upturned bucket hat; Mira leans over and munches on the popcorn as well, both of them ogling the Saja Boys intently

and, “don’t fucking *have* kids if you’re not prepared to love *whatever* and *whoever* they turn out to be,”

A screencap from the movie: Rumi holds up her spirit sword and begs her foster mother to end her life

and, “ancient tradition can be beautiful, but it still has to make room for modern people to live full and authentic lives,” 

A screencap from the movie: the original Honmoon rips apart in Rumi’s wake as she trudges miserably onwards

and, “even if a hot predator is just your type, they’re not worth losing yourself or letting them hurt other people,”

A series of 6 screencaps from the movie: Mira and Zoey each face and slay their demon crush

and, “(especially men) you are only as villainous as you *choose to continue to be*; if you make an authentic effort to *do better*, you will be *loved and cared for better*”,

A screencap from the movie: Jinu in demon form

and…I could keep going for like an entire thesis, I’m not even kidding. 😆😂😭 

[IMO in a *fandom* way, the 3 girls are also hella in a polycule, (this is such a popular headcanon that “polytrix” is a major pinnable feed on Bluesky, lololol, the art is so CUTE 😭🤌🏼✨) but that’s a fandom thing, not me just commenting on the actual textual and subtextual substance of the movie itself, which is what I’m otherwise mostly trying to keep to. 😆 Also on a personal/fandom level, I relate to Zoey, the half-American teal one with black hair, waaaaay too hard. 😂😭]

A screencap from the movie: all three HUNTR/X girls hold hands together

AND THEN YOU GET TO THE ANTHROPOLOGY AND FOLKLORIC AND VISUAL BITS! 

A rumor went around a while back that genAI was used to make parts of it, and because I liked it SO MUCH 😭 that I didn’t want it to be true, (it wasn’t, got debunked 2 days later by somebody bilingual revealing an AI translation error of a Korean news article, 😂) I dove into researching *every aspect of how it was made* to see what I could see. 😆 

I now know SO MUCH that I didn’t know I didn’t know (and there’s more still to read and learn,) and I love the whole thing, as well as the team that created it, EVEN MORE. 😭💖🙌🏼💖😭

A screencap from the movie: fans looking up adoringly at the HUNTR/X girls after their final battle

A big thing to understand is: these girls are Korean bardic warriors. 

You do not need to like or know anything about kpop for it to make sense (though a basic familiarity will add more nuanced understanding, for sure.) 

The kpop idol thing is just a contemporary framing device to make it appeal to a wider audience, because “Korean bardic shaman women” sounds like a very niche documentary about old Asian ladies living in the hills and muttering about ghosts. (I would watch that, tho, tbh.) 

A screencap from the movie: the original 3 demon hunters floating aloft, holding their glowing spirit weapons

The tiger and magpie animal companions from the movie are actually figures from historical Korean minhwa, the satirical art/political cartoons of their day. 

A screencap from the movie: the blue tiger, Derpy, and the 3-eyed magpie, Sussie, rise up from behind floral shrubbery

The cross-eyed, derpy blue tiger represented the wealthy nobility: supposedly a majestic beast by birth, but actually generally a complete dipshit. 

The perpetually-exasperated magpie (which is an eldritch monstrosity with 6 eyes and a stolen hat in the movie?? I love him???) represents the common working people, looking on with rolling eyes and sighs as the nobility act ridiculous. 

A screenshot from the main Wikipedia article on Kpop Demon Hunters

Their inclusion is straight up a statement: this is a satirical sociopolitical commentary cartoon, just like the minhwa were. It makes subtle yet clear commentary on everything from the poisonous nature of shame and self loathing, to the weight of being expected to adhere to ancient traditions with no modern understanding, to how women are expected to behave around things like sleep and food (aka sexily) versus how they actually do (dorkily and with a love for dumb, cute, and/or deeply-boring-to-others things,) to toxic masculinity (via the vehicle of the demon boy band,) to the insane expectations of the idol industry (an important note for EJAE, the woman who wrote most of the songs for it and who sings for the purple girl—she tried to become a kpop idol at 26 and was told she was “too old”, so she went into the behind the scenes parts, writing and doing guest vocals for younger kpop idols, until Maggie Kang and Chris Applehans reached out to her and asked if she wanted to write the music and a studio pitch demo for this movie, and she *did* and she went *hard* and gave it her *best*, and….has now become the *single most globally famous vocalist in kpop history* as the lead singer for a *fictional idol group* that has outpaced *every real idol group on earth*, largely on the strength and popularity of the songs she wrote and sung. 🥺😭😭🙌🏼)

A side-by-side pair of images: on the right is a screencap of the animated HUNTR/X from the movie; on the left, in a matching pose, are the live singing voices for HUNTR/X (L-R: Audrey Nuna, EJAE, Rei Ami)

The girls’ weapons are all references (like, intentional, caring, historically *accurate enough for anthropologists to be excited about it* references) to real ceremonial weapons used for cleansings and exorcisms (aka…functionally fighting demons) in Korean mysticism and shamanism.

A screencap from the movie: demons are silhouetted in the dark; the HUNTR/X girls’ 3 spirit weapons glow between them

All the demon types they show in it? Actual specific types of demons from Korean folklore, from dokkaebi, their version of oni/ogres, to “egg-face” demons, to these creepyass fuckin water demons that cry all the time, to the boy band, whose WHOLE NAME IN THE FIRST PLACE IS A PUN—the word “Saja” in Korean and means both “lion” (their public fan symbol, a cute lion’s head, and their fandom tagline is “join the pride!”) and “grim reaper” (their actual job in Korean folklore, to gather the souls of the dead; the latter is what their black outfits in “Your Idol”—aka the “very pointed critique of toxic masculinity song”—are meant to reference.)

A screencap from the movie: a horde of many kinds of demons, waiting expectantly; a water demon in the foreground weeps loudly

The girls each wear norigae (traditional Korean knot charms; a bunch of Asian cultures seem to have some version of them) attached to their clothes somewhere, and *each one is designed completely differently*, to match and visually display their personalities. Everything, down to each of their signature flavors of ramyeon, is so *detailed* and *depth-developing*. 

A fanmade collage image by Nyx Umbra, showing each of the HUNTR/X girls and a close-up of their personalized norigae charms

The *reason* the movie is CG animated (the original concept was more anime-style) is because the directors (Maggie Kang I already mentioned, but the other one is Chris Appelhans, who *is* a white dude, but don’t write him off: he’s married to a Korean-American woman, Maurene Goo—an accomplished creative in her own right—and *clearly* really cares about portraying the culture in a thoughtful way) wanted to be able to use motion capture and CG’s minute details to be able to exactly mimic the specific *mouth movements* endemic to a culture of people who grew up pronouncing things through the lens of the Korean language. 🥺🥺 And it’s *visibly apparent*—if you watched Arden Cho (she played Kira, the kitsune girl) in Teen Wolf, you can *see her distinct facial movements and expressions* in the purple girl’s face. (The scene I most distinctly noticed it in is the one where the purple girl gets knocked over in slow motion; her being-knocked-down “oh no” face is *exactly* the same as her voice actress’s.) WHAT. The freakin CARE. 🥺😭🙌🏼😭🤌🏼✨

A screenshot from the Wikipedia article on Kpop Demon Hunters

And then the COLOR CODED SYMBOLISM. 😭🙌🏼💖

The girls’ mentor charges them with completing a magical working, a shield spell between the human and demon realms, that’s been in the works for generations—but which *their* generation is supposedly going to be able to be the one to manifest (without explaining why; clear satire of the “the next generation will solve things” attitude prevalent among elder generations as the new ones come to adulthood.) 

A screencap from the movie: the first hunters weave the original (blue) Honmoon

This completed shield spell will supposedly turn the current magical barrier (shown by rippling blue-pink-purple lines like strings laid across the landscape) gold—this promise symbolizing the pressure from elders and society to try to solve everything and achieve unattainable perfection. 

A screencap from the movie: Celine instructs the young HUNTR/X girls on the Honmoon and their mission to turn it golden

The girls manage to summon flashes of golden perfection to the normal shield spell, but a full, perfect, golden transformation just *doesn’t come together*, and pushing down their real selves to try and *make* a perfect, golden thing only leads to them hurting themselves, each other, and shattering the original, ancient shield spell completely. 

A screencap from the movie: a flash of gold flows through the lines of the Honmoon

After owning their authentic identities (especially half demon purple girl), they make and replace the shield spell (still shown via shimmering landscape lines) during the final battle, and their fans snap out of their mesmerized-by-evil hypnosis and join in, each lending a glimmer of colorful light to the song and the spell as it’s rewoven from scratch. 

A screencap from the movie: rainbow lights stream from the chests of each fan filling the stadium venue as they sing along to “This Is What It Sounds Like”, the lights flowing together to weave a new Honmoon as the girls sing

When the shield spell reforms, it’s not perfect and golden like their elders told them it was supposed to be, but it’s not the original pink and blue, either—it’s now iridescent rainbow light, shimmering with all the true colors of the people who shaped it. 

A screenshot from the movie: the rainbow Honmoon forms and spreads outwards from the arena where the girls are performing, rippling across the whole world and replacing angry red and pink demonic light with cool blue and rainbows

THEIR SHOES. 

The girl group sings a line in the first song, “heels, nails, blade, mascara / fit check for my napalm era” (Audrey Nuna’s voice goes SO DEEP, it’s SO GAY 😩🙌🏼💖 if I weren’t already sapphic it would TURN ME), but only ONE of them EVER wears actual heels the *whole movie*—the other shoes are all sneakers, flat-soled combat boots, or other sensible footwear. The heels there *are*? Are low, chunky, *sturdy* ankle boots (on pink girl in the final battle.) 

A screencap from the movie: a view of all 3 HUNTR/X girls’ shoes (none of which are high heels)

AT NO POINT. DOES ANYONE. FIGHT DEMONS. IN. HIGH. HEELS. 🥳🤌🏼✨

A screencap from the movie: Rumi hurtles, shoe-first, towards the ground, kicking out at enemies as she goes, the sensible treads on the sole of her boot glowing hot pink

(And, as somebody who grew up on Buffy and Totally Spies and the original She-Ra and even Sailor Moon and all those other 90s things, watching and wondering why the *fuck* they were all teetering around in heels when they could EASILY *have shoes with stable balance*? That is HEALING. 😌)

…but yeah.

That’s the deal. 😆🤷🏻‍♀️

I could keep going. Pretty much forever. But this post will run out of the ability to let me add more to it without it crashing the app very soon. 😆

But you get the idea: this movie? I love it. 💖

A screencap from the movie: Bobby, surrounded by cheering fans, looks touched and delighted, hands to his chest, as he watches his girls reunite and succeed and save the world and themselves

It’s very much a story about (and Maggie Kang is quietly begging for people to *realize* that it’s a story about) being a queer/trans/disabled/fat/addict/mentally ill/otherwise “non-traditional” and “unacceptable” person in your home culture, (using Korea, and specifically Kpop, as an example framing device, but it’s not something that is, or is *meant* to be, exclusive to just Korea—it’s a global issue, but especially in Asian cultures in general, with people commonly deleting themselves over unresolved shame,) 

A screenshot of text from the main Wikipedia article on Kpop Demon Hunters

and trying to figure out how to get your parents/guardians to even let *you* accept all of yourself, let alone get *them* to accept it, let alone get them to *love* it in a way that makes you *feel loved*,

and trying to figure out how much of your authentic self is okay, or even just *safe*, to share with your friends and life partners without it making them hate or even hurt you,

and trying to tell the difference between being attracted to someone and knowing if they’re trustworthy,

and trying to learn how to live in your own skin/with your own identity, even when it feels wrong, even just to you, when you’re alone with yourself. 

A screencap from the movie: Mira turns to face the camera, looking cautiously hopeful, a golden beam of light from an open door shining on her face

I could never have imagined this movie would be such an incredible, intricate, life-changing thing to experience, but I’m so, so glad I took the chance and watched it. Doing so has widened and enriched my world so much. 💖


A couple Kpop and Korean terms it’s helpful to know in advance of watching the movie: 

⭐️ maknae – this basically means “little sibling” in Korean, and is a term used for the youngest member of a kpop group, who is viewed as cute and young/little and is expected to be immature and cutesy compared to the others.

A screencap from the movie: Zoey wears a giant heart mask on her head, holding her hands up in a heart, while making a silly face

(Zoey is the maknae in Huntrix, and Baby Saja is the maknae in the Saja Boys.)

⭐️ visual – this is a term for the member of a Kpop group who is considered the most traditionally and impressively attractive (by Korean standards); the visual is usually the member of the group whose image is used to sell things like perfume/cologne, lingerie/boxers, lipstick/razors or other sultry brand collaborations.

A screencap from the movie: Mira gives her hair a blowout while singing and falling from an airplane

(Mira is the visual for Huntrix; Abs/Abby is the visual for the Saja Boys.) 

⭐️ saja – the word “saja” in Korean has two meanings: 

the first is “lion”, which is why the Saja Boys’ band logo is a lion head, and why they call their fan club “the pride”;

A screencap from the movie: Bobby stares at a Saja Boys’ light stick

the second is the association with the “jeoseung saja,” the grim reapers of Korean folklore, whose traditional job is to (usually peacefully) collect the souls of the dead and gather them to the underworld.

A screencap from the movie: Abby Saja beckons to fans as they give up their souls to Gwi-Ma through him

This double meaning is clearly intentional, as the Saja Boys wear traditional jeoseung saja/Korean reaper outfits while performing their final song, “Your Idol”.

⭐️ hoobae – this is Korean for “mentee” or “underclassmen”; Rumi (purple hair) refers to the Saja Boys as Huntrix’s “hoobaes” when they’re forced onto camera on the Play Games With Us segment—this was her basically claiming that the Saja Boys were tied to Huntrix somehow, and implying that Huntrix was showing them the ropes as idols and approved of them, as an excuse for why the girls had showed up to the set. 

A screencap from the movie: HUNTR/X smile sheepishly, caught by Jinu and put on TV

(This is later used to taunt Huntrix, when the Saja Boys’ fan club has swelled and they have killed bunches of people due to their fame and access—which Huntrix accidentally helped them achieve by trying to kill them and then getting pushed onto TV instead and claiming the boys as their hoobaes when Jinu spotted them—when they thank Huntrix and say they “couldn’t have done it without their support.”)

A screencap from the movie: a jeoseung saja leans out of a portal and sucks the soul from an unsuspecting fan

⭐️ honmoon – a compound word created for the movie, which literally translates from Korean as “soul gate,” which is appropriate, as it’s the barrier keeping the demon world separate from the human one, like a gate.

A screencap from the movie: the Honmoon weighs down on the demons like a heavy blanket, keeping them blocked from our world

It is created with soul energy (which the Huntrix girls take in the form of small contributions of energy from each of their fans during concerts—depicted as glowing light issuing from each fan’s chest—and weaving them together into the Honmoon.

A screencap from the movie: fans’ chest glow with light as they begin to connect with the song being performed

However, in the case of Jinu’s final sacrifice, he visibly gives Rumi his *entire soul* to consume as he disappears, which she accepts, and uses to transform her sword into a much bigger one, as well as strengthen herself and the Honmoon as she turns to face Gwi-Ma.) 

A screencap from the movie: Jinu’s soul flows from his body into Rumi’s as he disintegrates under the blast from Gwi-Ma

⭐️ when excited, Zoey shouts something that sounds like “kata, kata, kata!” but is actually “gaja, gaja, gaja!” – “gaja” is a Korean expression that means “let’s go!” so she’s just excitedly urging the group forward. 

A screencap from the movie: Mira and Zoey run towards the stage doors excitedly, Zoey shouting the above-mentioned phrase

⭐️ Gwi-Ma – not a real Korean folkloric/mythological figure! Created just for the movie! His name means “ghost” + “demon” in Korean. 

A screencap from the movie: Gwi-Ma’s fiery face looms huge and angry

Kpop Demon Hunters: meaningful art or genAI slop?

So, yesterdayish, a post announcing the launch of OpenAI in Korea started making the rounds online. This post also said that one of the creators of the song “Soda Pop” from KPop Demon Hunters had asked ChatGPT for advice on how to make it “more bubbly” while writing it.

the post in question from yesterday

…A lot of the fandom imploded over it—largely with outrage and disgust, which helped a tiny bit of the sting, because at least I wasn’t alone in my dismay—myself very much included.

a screenshot of a few consecutive posts from different Bluesky accounts posting yesterday and expressing distress and/or disdain at the idea of genAI having been used in Kpop Demon Hunters

Mine was a fairly quiet implosion.
I might’ve heard a little piece of my heart crack ominously, like ice, at the idea that one of my favorite pieces of media of all time might be tainted by cheaters using stolen work. 🥲

I thought, said, and posted things like, “I feel nauseous and betrayed” and “how miserably appropriate that we find out the demon boy bands’ songs actually are made from stealing the souls’ work of actual artists.”

A lot of other fans imploded in a different way—almost like they were embarrassed, and trying to distance themselves from their previous unbridled enthusiasm for the movie. I saw lots of posts and comments to the effect of “I always thought that song seemed soulless”, or “I never liked that one”, or “I didn’t get the hype anyway”, or “always was a vapid song”, or “I always hated that earworm.”

A collage of a few of the posts in the KPDH tag on Bluesky yesterday

I…do not have the ability to turn on a dime like that. 😬🤷🏻‍♀️

Much as I’d like to drop anything that might have a chance of genAI bot-rot slop in it, much as I’d swear I heard my heart crack at the idea that my favorite movie might be tainted with it, I can’t pretend for a second that I don’t think the movie and the songs in it didn’t all do a fantastic job at what they set out to do.

Because look, the thing is, yeah, “Soda Pop” is kind of shallow, poppy, earworm crap.
…it’s also very clearly that on purpose.

I can’t listen to a song and enjoy it without looking up and drilling down into the lyrics—with a background in both anthropology and poetry, that sort of thing is my jam.
And the thing is, for what it is and what it’s trying to do, “Soda Pop” is perfect.

Like with “Your Idol”, the Saja Boys’ songs embody a lot of the most toxic aspects of “traditional” relationships, and the lyrics of both are straight up portraits of abusive codependency.
I didn’t mind that “Soda Pop” was a little insipid, that’s the point—it’s satire of the gross and weirdly dehumanizing songs aimed at girls that boy bands have been churning out since they came into existence. (ex: that deeply creepy One Direction song with “you don’t KNOW you’re beautiful, that’s what MAKES you beautiful” ie “hey girl, your low self esteem is what makes you attractive to me, so definitely don’t develop or display any confidence in yourself!” 🤢)

I don’t love the song as a song, it’s literally about wanting to consume your partner to sustain yourself, but as social commentary in musical form, I thought—and honestly, whether AI is really involved or not, I can’t stop thinking—that it was making a really insightful and self-aware joke (not a “ha ha” joke, a satirical joke about power dynamics, much like the minhwa pieces featuring the tiger and magpie were in their own time) about how soulless and predatory that whole pop scene often is/can easily be, to the point where, in the movie, literal demons can sing about wanting to consume the audience, and the audience doesn’t notice anything strange, just laps it up and thinks it’s the cutest thing ever.

a screenshot from the Wikipedia article on KPDH, including a picture of a tiger and magpie minhwa

The possibility that AI made its way into a movie that feels so cleverly, lovingly, and intricately handcrafted makes me feel sick, but I can’t just…act retroactively like I didn’t and don’t think it did a fantastic job at what it was trying to do. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t pretend it didn’t absolutely slap as both a fun movie and an actual piece of meaningful art, even if admitting I love something that might’ve been created in ways that are fundamentally opposed to my moral compass feels gross and humiliating.

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart at the idea that somehow, these creators, whose so clearly lovingly-woven creation I adore so much, used AI (and therefore stolen work from other creators) to make the movie.
I’ve watched it literally hundreds of times now; I have spent hours looking up new little facets of things I notice in it each time, things that turn out to have cultural significance, in a way that teaches me things when I go to look them up.
The level of attention to detail, the loving intricacy, all the layers of ancient and pop culture, in this movie are so impressive—I kept thinking that it feels too human for AI to have touched much of it, but the nauseating question lingered in my head: if one songwriter on the team used it, where else did genAI creep in? What else in this work did it taint?

Eventually, I slept.

…and then I woke up today to find out that the whole thing was likely entirely a hoax. 🤪

today’s post, kindly sent to me by a mutual who saw me fretting about this on Bluesky

It was seemingly based on either an accidental mistranslation of an article or an intentional one to get more hype for AI in Korea—the situation isn’t entirely clear yet. 🤷🏻‍♀️

a screenshot of a post discussing the possibility of an AI mistranslation of the original Korean article into English

I definitely breathed a sigh of relief anyway.

a screenshot of a Reddit megathread about this topic

But a part of me also still worries that, even if this one thing wasn’t true, we’ll find out that genAI did taint some other part of it, or that the idea of it being a hoax will turn out, itself, to be a hoax. 😬😓

a screenshot of a Bluesky post summarizing the situation and then a meme saying “the internet was a mistake”

My trust feels once-bitten; a seed of worry has been planted.

a screenshot of a post on Bluesky summarizing the likely misinformation issue and observing the fast spread of misinformation

My comfort movie is no longer quite as comfortable—and probably never will be again, at least unless the creators come forward with a formal statement that genAI wasn’t used.

a screenshot of a post on Bluesky of a user expressing a desire for the KPDH team to make a statement on whether or not the OP was a mistranslation

I spiraled a little when I realized that we’re likely never going to get to take in and enjoy a piece of art again without having to second-guess if it’s actual art from actual people, or if it’s slop made of stolen art from thousands of people, chewed up and spat out in our faces.
I hope more movies start taking a stand and including the “no generative AI was used in the making of this film” thing in their credits. Knowing no artists were stolen from in the making of something matters.

I have come to accept that, at least in this instance, I probably can’t know for sure. 😮‍💨

Maybe they did ask ChatGPT how to make the song “sound more bubbly”; I don’t have proof one way or the other.


But what I can do, and have done over the last few months, is read a decent bit into the background of a lot of the people who worked on this movie, and about the fact that many of them have been waiting a very long time to be able to make this movie—to have the platform, the tools, and be given the chance to say what they wanted to say and show what they wanted to show.

The thing is, I sincerely cannot imagine THAT team—


The team who spent like 4 years crafting this movie (and however many before that dreaming up the things that eventually became this movie), this fantasy that is an absolute love song and homage to Korean culture as what it is in the now, both full of meaningful ancient heritage and simultaneously on the cutting edge of so many things, from tech to pop music—

a screenshot from the Wikipedia article on the production of KPDH

This piece of absolute art that says, like an adult child to a grandparent, “I love you so much, and this is not to hurt or disrespect you, but some old traditions and expectations, especially how we handle things like fear and shame, have to change as we grow and change”—

a screenshot of the Wikipedia article on KPDH, discussing some of the movie’s themes

The team that understood their industry and audience so well that the Saja Boys’ songs from it have even taken off in real life in the same order as they did in the movie, with “Soda Pop” luring a lot of otherwise-disinterested folks in with its innocent poppy vibes first, and “Your Idol” sealing the deal with its own diabolically insightful appeal later—

a screenshot of part of the Wikipedia article on KPDH, discussing the characters’ journeys through their costumes’ visuals

The team that designed intricate norigae for each of the HUNTR/X girls to reflect their personalities, and gave each of them a different, historically and spiritually significant, demon-fighting weapon; who bothered to give each Saja Boy a different type of shoe that reflects their personas in the “Your Idol” scene; who have talked in interviews about the fact that they actually bothered to make sure to capture distinctly Korean facial expressions, especially mouth movements, as well as subtle linguistic mismatches, that are specifically created by speaking Korean as a first language

a screenshot from the Wikipedia article on KPDH discussing the traditional Korean elements of the characters’ costumes
another screenshot from the Wikipedia article on KPDH, discussing animating the mouth shapes of Korean-speaking characters

I cannot imagine THAT team being like, “oh, actually, yeah, let’s let the robotic theft machine make our masterpiece instead.” 😒

That feels…ridiculous. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The level of attention to detail, the loving intricacy, all the layers of ancient and pop culture, in this movie…it feels too human for AI to have touched much of it. It would be such a waste—of all their skills, and of the opportunity.
Moreover, it would be an admission from every artist who used it that they didn’t have the skill or dedication to actually make the art they worked so hard to get a chance to make.
If a couple people who worked on it ran a question or two about it past ChatGPT, or used another of the thievery machines in some way, that sincerely sucks. I hope they didn’t.

But even if a few did, it still feels to me like all the fundamental and meaningful parts of this creation were made by actual human beings expressing things about their cultures, lives, and experiences. If any bot-rot did touch it, it could, at most, have only done so on a superficial level, once its substance was already well-formed.

So, I can’t know if some of the folks working on it were slimy lil art thieves, no—but I can and do know that the core creation that I love has been in the works since before the genAI bot-rot boom, and the team who made it did so because they spent their lives actively wanting to make art and tell meaningful stories.

To me, that suggests that a hefty majority of those people—who made it to where they are in their fields before genAI was available, btw (and therefore likely had to spend years actually developing and refining their creative skills instead of pretending that entering a prompt is a creative skill—are not going to have wasted finally having a platform to express themselves and tell their story by just giving that opportunity away to an incompetent art theft machine instead.
Maybe we’ll find out otherwise, but. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Call me an optimist. 😮‍💨🤞🏻✨

a screencap from KPDH in which Derpy is hopefully nudging Jinu’s hand, trying to get him to take the bracelet he got with Rumi

Dear probably-comically-underpaid FBI/NSA underling interns…

Dear comically underpaid FBI/NSA underling interns having to comb through all the things of mine and my silly little friends that the AI bots flag for you, satirical and serious alike:

I am not suspicious! Nay—I am but a noisy little wheel that spins nowhere!
I’m too disabled to leave my home and be troublesome!
I’m just a smol lil writer with the constitution of a wilting victorian maiden!
Yes!
Yes, I, I am just—
Just a poor, disabled lil silly writer, simply a cartoon mouse with brain damage!
Just a sellout comedian writing mad nonsense for monetized engagement!
Just saying anything online for clicks, yes!
All simply an effort to buy soup, soup for my family! 🙃

a clip from the show Parks & Recreation, showing Jean-Ralphio and Mona Lisa Saperstein dancing right in front of their own fake funeral while singing “don’t be suspicious, don’t, don’t be suspicious”.

Truly, I hope they waste lots of resources figuring out that I’m too disabled to even make my own meals and shower without supervision, let alone do any direct street action. That I talk so much because I’m a BEAUTIFUL LIGHTHOUSE, not a BATTLESHIP AT SEA. I exist to blast light into the dark, to guide my people on their way, to do what I can to keep them safe.

Cuz you know the thing I can do when I’m mostly homebound and bedbound and too sick-scrambled to do anything else useful?
I can make VERY LOUD NOISES while my community gnaws away at the straps of their boots and does the direct action I can’t.
I can sit here in bed, and I can laugh loudly in the face of fascism and try to make you laugh, too.
Fascism cannot survive not being taken seriously, and it relies on advance compliance based in fear.

I do know they could come for me. My loved ones remind me often, because they worry.
Speaking out, loudly and often, is dangerous, even with an audience as small as mine.

The funny thing is, I have spent SO LONG being terrified of EVERYTHING. I was raised in a town that called me a “darkie”, and where my classmates repeatedly terrorized me and tried to end my life between classes for being too queer, fat, dark, and/or nonChristian.

It’s funny that fascists are giving me my first ever access to freedom from that endless, pantophobic fear, just by making me—us—being afraid of them a key point in their agenda. Their plans REQUIRE us to be too afraid to live loudly as ourselves in front of them, too afraid to call them out for being stupid and horrid, too afraid to laugh in their flaccid, grey-orange faces.

I refuse to be complicit in their agenda; thus, I must release my fear.

I can’t pretend it’s not there, but I can learn to feel it and let it flow through me until its power over me diminishes.
With every incoherent, verbose monstrosity of a personal essay and bitingly sardonic antifascist shitpost I make, I become minutely stronger, and fascism’s hold becomes minutely weaker.

the sunset from my balcony tonight

If they ever do come for me, don’t stop laughing at them, don’t ever give them the control they want.

Because here’s the thing: we are predatory apes who evolved to cooperate, to share responsibility and work in communities, all so that we can bask in the sun, make art, make love, eat delicious fruit, drink clean water, write poetry, get care when we’re injured or ill, and generally enjoy our existences.

Not one of us was made to live in fear or poverty or shame for who we are, let alone made to line somebody else’s pockets with surplus while we live in deprivation with our necks under their boots—not ONE. I got a degree in anthropology, okay, and I swear, the majority of the population living as wageslaves without hope of a better life beyond MAYBE being able to afford the cost of living someday is *not* part of human nature, it is a carefully manufactured way of life, instituted by greedy people who had a head start and no sense of empathy or moral backbone.

Emerald Rose perform Rudyard Kipling’s “A Pict Song” – I find this especially amusing, as it’s situationally apropos, but also, my ancestry is filled with Picts and Romans, and the song is also being played by my dad’s band.

They don’t listen when we speak, they condemn our peaceful pushback, and sometimes it feels so hopeless that I want to scream.

But it’s not. If it were hopeless, they wouldn’t need their propaganda. They wouldn’t need us frightened of their power. They wouldn’t send 2,700 troops to try to suppress one city of people to instill fear in the rest of us.

(Which is, of course, RIDICULOUS. The NeoNazi Cheeto Man needs almost 3k troops to even begin to TRY to quell ONE CITY of queers, actors, and immigrants? The people he says are lesser than *his* people? Ha! What a loser. Does he try to add random pieces to the board when he’s losing at chess, too? Wait, he can’t play chess, he can’t even find his own butt with both hands. And I say this as someone who has brain damage and can still confidently say that at least I’m not *that* brain damaged. Put that man in a diaper and a padded room and give him some soup. Possibly to the face, still canned.)

So, yeah. Seriously, hilariously? Laughter is powerful. Laughter is a reminder that they do not control the narrative inside us, no matter how much media spin they buy. We must laugh in their faces at the idea that the world was made for anyone to rule, let alone that any among us were made to be their disposable labor force.

a refrigerator magnet haiku from my fridge, reading: “flowers break concrete / revolution must blossom / destroy and create”

We must laugh at the very idea that their fascist order is natural, meaningful, or anything but a pathetic farce played out by greedy imbeciles grabbing endlessly for more at the expense of the entire rest of the human community.

We must laugh, even with blood on our teeth and fear nipping at our heels.

We must be wilder than fear.

NeoDadaist protest thoughts? Idk, you figure out how to title it, I’m very tired.

As…let’s say, a writer, yknow, looking at…the narrative of our attempts at resistance to fascism? Yeah, as a WRITER, looking at the NARRATIVE. I truly think folks have got to get more unhinged with protesting. 

(Not violently—I’m not promoting violence, imaginary legal team!)

Just absolutely UNHINGED. Feral. Utterly off our nut. 

Yknow, if this were a story, I mean. All that follows this? It is all a story. A hypothetical, satirical piece of dystopian metafiction. Really! I’m an author. No, honestly, I am, look it up. Totally an author, totally just speaking in literary evaluation of the plot of American antifascist efforts as narrative content. Absolutely, totally.

But, yknow, *as a story,* it’s missing something. 

And that something? 

Is A CEASELESS TORRENT OF BEAUTIFUL, CHAOTIC MADNESS. 

We should start showing up to protests with bagpipes and drums and kazoos and *refusing to stop making them make noise* until we get human rights back. 

“You! Officer! Where is all this drumming coming from?”

“Um. We’re working on it, but. It seems to be coming from EVERYWHERE, sir? Some of them are just drumming from home with the windows open. Others are blasting the drums over car speakers. We’re getting reports that workers are stopping mid-task to start banging things against whatever’s nearby to join in.”

“Nonsense, officer! People wouldn’t leave their jobs to do something so nonsensical! Round up these troublemakers! And for god’s sake, stop whoever’s strangling that goose!” 

“Well, we did actually secure the initial bagpiper, sir, but several more immediately started up. The echoing is making them very hard to locate, and some seem to just be dummy ones—just speakers blaring bagpipes from rooftops and people’s pockets.” 

Can’t play the bagpipes? Got no rhythm?

That’s not a bug, that’s a FEATURE! 😀

“Officer! What’s going on? Our server crashed, and the phone lines are all tied up with noise complaints.”

“We keep detaining drummers, but now the ones still out there are all playing different beats. It’s—well, frankly, it’s pure katzenjammer, sir.”

Like…wear face paint. 

Wear masks. (Please, as a disabled person who can’t join street action largely because people don’t mask en masse, WEAR MASKS.)

Wear glitter. 

Wear COSPLAY. Seriously, the more ridiculous and recognizable the better. 

Dance and drum in the street. 

Bring the kids. Bring the grandparents. Bring the wheelchairs. 

Stand outside and SCREAM.

“WHAT is that unholy racket, officer??” 

“Well, sir, there seem to be a bunch of people dressed as superheroes, robots, and cartoon characters swarming the streets. They were originally just marching and doing TikTok dances to the drums, but when we got them surrounded, they all just kinda…stopped, and stood still. And then—then, well—“

“Spit it out, officer!” 

“They just started screaming, sir. Shrieking, really. This unholy, unnerving shrieking. All of them, all at once. If one pauses to breathe, the others just continue.”

“And? What are you doing about it?” 

“Well, sir, we were about to deploy tear gas and firehoses, but they have an outer perimeter of children, pregnant women, the elderly, and people in wheelchairs.”

“So what?”

“Well, sir…it’s just, the optics. There are quite a lot of news vans and people filming on cell phones. Several well known drag queens are dressed as famous princess and superhero characters, and appear to be acting as independent broadcasters, describing the scene in character as if they’re really characters under attack by evil forces, sir. Initial responses from the public are…not quite in our favor.“

And when you stand up to be chaotic, don’t think like individuals. 

Think like family. Everyone resisting is your sibling, whether you like each other and get along or not. 

Think like community. You pull up the person beside you if they fall. You feed them if they’re hungry and you have food; if you don’t, you find food together. 

Bring all the resources we have access to. 

Spend our own time, our own money, our own resources. 

We need to organize and bring and share everything we can, and make a real push like it MATTERS. 

If not now, when? 

Once they’ve thinned our numbers even more?

No, it’s time to stand outside and scream.

If you can’t go outside and scream, scream from inside. Drum from inside. Play bagpipes from inside. Hang speakers out the window and blast the sound of chaotic pixie giggling at full volume. 

“Hmph. Well, they’ll have to stop shrieking to eat and sleep eventually. Surround them, officer; we’ll wait them out.” 

“Um, well, sir…”

“What NOW?” 

“We would, sir, but they seem to be sleeping in shifts, and, well…they apparently brought provisions. Folks from the local Renaissance Faire and SCA are directing the setup of what looks like a long-term encampment. Several port-o-potties were dropped off, seemingly donated. Large tents have been erected, places for people to rest, and they’ve got doctors and pharmacists who seem to have brought medical supplies to distribute as needed. Several food trucks with their logos and licenses covered have parked in a makeshift rear guard to their forces, and are distributing food and water, seemingly for free.” 

“FREE? There’s no such thing as a free lunch, officer! Don’t they know how the world WORKS?” 

“Well, sir, the one food truck worker we managed to detain said that a bunch of grocery store and restaurant workers donated expiring food that was still good but required to be thrown away. Apparently there’s quite a lot of it? Anyway, that’s how there’s so many more of them than expected—they’re offering free food, and somebody seems to have informed the students.”

“Which students, officer? College? Primary, secondary?”

“Well…all of them, sir? College students have been flooding in ceaselessly—we’ve spotted flyers advertising free food posted all around local campuses. But more than that, sir. Apparently several teachers, parents, and school cafeteria workers have joined forces, and are listing the school lunch debts of anyone who joins them as paid, and giving them all free food for the duration of the protest.” 

Staying quiet and staying home will not save a single one of us, it will only doom us to live whatever’s left of our lives cowering in fear and living as something other, lesser, than ourselves. 

Now is the time to be our truest, weirdest selves, loudly, together.

We need to get CREATIVELY WEIRD. 

If you can’t contribute traditionally, if you can’t leave home to join in, contribute from home and contribute BIZARRELY. 

“This is absurd, officer. We are the LAW! What about the K-9 units?”

“Uh, well, we’re working on it, sir, but the dogs are refusing to approach the perimeter, and there’s a really weird smell. One of the guys is a hunter, and he recognized the smell—he said they seem to have surrounded the perimeter with…uhh…predator pee, sir.” 

“WHAT?” 

“Apparently, the…uh, the urine of stronger predators discourages dogs from approaching? We got a few of the more veteran dogs to ignore it, but apparently the protesters include a bunch of hiking-and-dog lesbians and gay guys from the pup community, who thought it would be funny if they brought a bunch of dog whistles.”

“Dog whistles, officer?”

“Yes, sir. The really shrill ones that dog trainers use? They keep blowing them, and between that and the urine perimeter and the noise of the drums and bagpipes, the dogs are going haywire, sir. On top of that, the sides of the food trucks have been armored with old phonebooks and strips of old tires, and the cooks keep throwing meat scraps to reward the ones who ignore our orders.” 

If you see an opportunity to toss some glitter in the gears of the machine, do. 

If you see chaos starting, add to it (without adding violence.)

The machine of fascism relies on human cogs being able and willing to show up and do the stuff they’re told. If you mess with the functionality and authority of those cogs, make their day to day lives harder, they machine turns a LOT less smoothly. 

When I say to add chaos without violence, what I mean is, gum things up. 

Inconvenience the stormtroopers. 

Stand between the machine and somebody being crushed by it. 

Do you work in a lunchroom? Did that kid take a lunch without paying for it? No, they didn’t. If somebody asks questions, it would be a shame to play as dumb as they pay you like you are. 

Do you work in a chain grocery store? Did that person pocket food and leave the store quietly? No, they didn’t. If somebody asks questions, it would be a shame to play as dumb as they pay you like you are. 

See ICE or DOGE show up? It would be hilarious and very silly and also has been proven effective to stop and shriek and point at them and start shouting variations on, “oh my god somebody call the police, there’s masked terrorists with weapons over there!” It would be extra silly to tie up the phone lines calling to report those masked terrorists to the authorities. 

Work in a corporate or government building? It sure would be a shame if an open can of tuna found its way into the CEO/higher up’s air vents. If somebody asks questions, it would be a shame to play as dumb as they pay you like you are. 

Are you a SW whose clients include hypocritical politicos or neoNazis? Sure would be a shame if you accidentally recorded them and sent proof of their hypocrisy to their wives/mothers/adult offspring/entire workplace. 

Got an old junker? It’d be crazy to rip the plates off, file off the VIN, go park it in between protesters and aggressors, and leave it with the speakers blaring The Hanging Tree or Ke$ha or Bob Dylan or The Wiggles until the batteries give out—so definitely don’t do anything like that. 

You know what really messes with cameras, so you definitely shouldn’t utilize to shield yourself? Highly reflective surfaces, including mirrors and sparkly clothes and fans and parasols and glittery makeup! Also? Laser pointers. So definitely *don’t* use those near cameras or drones—unless you *want* to mess with them, which would be very silly and naughty and none of *my* business! 🙃

“This is ridiculous, officer! Food trucks? Bagpipes? Break through their lines and arrest these hooligans!”

“Well, sir, we’re working on it, but they seem to have made a perimeter barricade of boxes of expired soda, and a bunch of junkyard workers and construction folks just showed up to reinforce it with truckloads of old tires and cement. Children in cute costumes are climbing the tire stacks like jungle gyms and…well, they’re playing kazoos and waving banners with hearts on them and blowing bubbles at the riot police, sir.“ 

“BUBBLES, officer? Our forces are being undermined with BUBBLES?”

“Yes, sir. They seem to have several bubble machines, too, and are using dry ice to create fog as well, so our drones are having trouble getting clear images. Several people seem to have glued pieces of mirror to umbrellas, and it’s doing crazy things to the light and making it nearly impossible to get clear visuals. They also seem to have t-shirt cannons, and they’re using them to shoot down the drones with balled up Pride flags, as well as the flags of Palestine and Ukraine. From what little we CAN see, most of them are masked, or wearing respirators, and the ones who aren’t seem to have their painted faces, or are in full furry mascot suits. Footage and facial recognition are useless.” 

It is so important that we begin to push back in ways that are NOT “through the proper channels.”

The reason the folks in charge want us to use those is because they control the proper channels, and know that they don’t work unless they LET them work. 

Again, not suggesting anything violent, just beautifully weird and authentic and very, VERY annoying. 

We don’t have to *destroy* fascism like it’s an anime villain or video game boss. 

All we really have to do is *uproot* fascism’s hold, and all we need to do *that* is to be WEIRD and LOUD and UNGOVERNABLE and IN THE WAY.

We just have to be punk. Punk is ANYTHING that flips a bird to the fascist status quo in protest (without actively hurting anybody. Again, imaginary legal team, I would never suggest that.)

We must be like hobbits facing the spreading darkness of Mordor. 

We must be like Picts, the thorns in the side of Rome. 

We must be like the protagonists of the stories of freedom and revolution that we were raised on, who touch our hearts and unite us all.

Do you think Sailor Moon and Luke Skywalker and Katniss Everdeen and Aragorn, son of Arathorn and Alanna the Lioness and The Doctor would be proud of you? 

It’s time to make SURE they would be.

“Furry…mascot suits, officer? What are you even saying?”

“Well, sir, uhh…people in fursuits are setting up sound and light equipment in the center of the protesters, and beautiful young women in cosplay are carrying baskets and going around handing out earplugs and eye shields to protesters who request them. I—well, I think the drums and bagpipes were just a prelude, sir. They’ve tapped into the electrical grid, and they have ENORMOUS speakers painted with trans pride flags.” 

“HA! Showing their ridiculous colors now. Do they really think we’ll be afraid of furry DJ freaks?”

“Uh, well. Um…”

“SPIT IT OUT, officer!” 

“Well, sir…they’ve, uh, they’ve sent all the traffic lights in the city haywire somehow, sir. Cell phones aren’t working correctly, and local government websites are crashing. Apparently they’ve hacked into several government databases and replacing lists of targetable minorities and dissenters with the code for DOOM.” 

“What are you even TELLING me, officer?”

“I—well—some of the men are saying that the IT and finance furries have joined the resistance, sir.” 

“The IT and finance—furry, what—I—that is the TERRORIST REBELLION, officer! Not the RESISTANCE.” 

“Uh, right, sir. The terrorist rebellion of…costumed children blowing bubbles and people dressed as fluffy animals and superheroes playing music and dancing.” 

“They are DEFYING THE LAW, officer! They are a public nuisance, and a threat to our ability to maintain order!”

That’s the real threat to fascism, you see. 

Not violence or perfect strategy—chaos and humor. 

The atmosphere of nervous silence that fascism relies on is broken by laughter, by song, by dance, by silliness of any type. 

The idea fascism relies on, the thing that makes up its backbone, is the idea that its leaders know and control the Way Things Are Done. 

If we start doing unhinged madness instead of things they expect, we replace the order of fear with the chaos of absurdity. 

There is risk in even silly resistance. 

There will always be risk. 

I am talking about this largely because I am too immunocompromised and disabled to join in street action, so the only way I know to contribute is to speak out from home. Just doing *that* is a risk. 

All we can do about that is make it just as risky for them to try to silence us.

And the thing is? 

They’re human beings, they’re our sons and brothers and coworkers. 

And they’re as vulnerable as we are.

“I can’t disagree with that, sir. They’ve bribed away half my squad to join them already.” 

“WHAT? With WHAT?” 

“Well, sir, they have beautiful women and femboys in cosplay dancing and blowing kisses and holding up signs offering free hugs and free food if they hand over their sidearms and join them. And sir, the food? It uh. It smells REALLY good.” 

“WHAT did you say, officer?” 

“It’s mouthwatering, sir. The smell. It’s like all the ethnic minorities we’ve relegated to underpaid foodservice jobs have decided to abscond with supplies from work and come feed the resista—uh, rebellion.” 

“Just get in there and PUT THOSE DEVIANT FREAKS DOWN, officer!”

“Well, I would, sir, but…uh, well…my mom and my wife apparently joined them after I went to work this morning, and, uh, well…my kid is dressed as Captain America and, uh…blowing bubbles at me from the barricade. My wife’s last text to me said ‘Magneto was right’, whatever that means, and that I have two hours left to join her and the resistance, or she’s going to leave me for ‘someone brave enough to do the right thing instead of just doing their job.’ Sorry, sir; I’m out.”

a photo of a refrigerator magnet haiku, reading: “mushroom children laugh / tyranny only unites / every bloom beneath”

Becoming, or the last seven years as an extended video game analogy

I named my MFA creative thesis “Bones I Found in the Garden,” because when I came through my strokes, I had all these pieces of essays and stories and poetry left from the person I was before them.

I don’t actually know who I am now. The best way I can explain it is this.

You’re playing a video game. It’s your first playthrough, Save File Number One, so it’s kind of halting and messy and imperfect. But you’re *really* attached to it. You’re so invested in this game. You’ve played hundreds of hours, exploring the map, learning the controls, learning how to respond to the environment as this character while *using* those controls. You’ve *finally* gotten past the basic character establishing arcs and are getting into the meat of the story, establishing your home base and making it suit you, assembling a team to play co-op with, finally deciding what aspect of gameplay you enjoy most after *years* of gameplay and maxing out your skill tree in that area. You’ve wooed your romanceable NPCs and they’re super into you and you’re probably gonna get married to at least one if gameplay allows it. You’ve spent so long practicing life as this character, can practically do the sequence for your special attack combo move in your sleep. You’re a few XP away from leveling up and getting to multiclass for the first time. You’re not necessarily a competitive player on a professional level or anything, but you’re doing really well by your personal standards and you’re really focused on your game progression.

And then you wake up to a dead screen. The game crashes. Total fatal error.

You message the developers and they say they are on top of it! They announce that it’s not just you, there’s been a major crash across the whole game, for everybody! They’re doing everything they can! Coding patches as fast as they can and trying to salvage everybody’s save files, but they’re only human, and they have lives outside of work. Children to feed, spouses and friends to attend to. Their lives can’t be all about fixing your gameplay experience.

The first big patch is released, and you log back into the game only to find that your beloved Save File Number One is corrupted. There’s an archived version of it that you can view but not play, but the archived images are degraded to blocky pixels in places, completely warped in others. Some images are flipped, mirrorlike. It’s a viewable story, albeit somewhat scrambled, of the hundreds of hours you’ve put into learning this game, but it’s not *accessible*. You can’t add to it or repair it or fix it, it’s just an image of what you accomplished before. There’s no continuing your beloved Save File Number One.

So, after a period of mourning and avoiding gaming entirely, you take the plunge and make Save File Number Two. You do your best to recreate your first attempt, to build your gameplay back up to the same point it was before so you can *get back to the actual meat of the game*, but since the patch, the controls are slightly different. The developers insist it’s normal small redesigns over time, but everything feels just a little bit *wrong*. The character moves at a different, choppier pace, and the control haptics vibrate harder in your hands now. Your special attack combo move sequence has changed, and you can’t seem to memorize the new one, and every time you go to do it, it kinda hurts your hands because the button layout is much less intuitive since the update. The NPCs all have different dialogue, and it plays at either twice the volume and twice the speed it did before, or *half* the volume and speed, but either way, most interactions feel like riddles instead of exchanges, and you can’t shake the feeling that this was translated from some other language by an AI translation service but not checked by a human. You keep sending error reports and messaging the developers, but they don’t seem especially concerned as long as you still have some access to the game and are paying your subscription fees to play. The subscription fees don’t seem worth it, but what are you going to do? Not play? You’ve put your whole life into this. You’re desperate to just get back to moving forward in the game’s story, finding out how it progresses, but you’re struggling just to get through the same in-game achievements that felt, while challenging, *enjoyable* and *fulfilling* the first time. Now they feel hollow—you’re not enjoying the gameplay, and you’re saving every 3 seconds but pretty sure it doesn’t matter because it can all just disappear in an instant the next time there’s another crash, and since the crash was code-based and had *nothing to do with you*, there’s no avoiding it. You try really hard to attach to the game, to Save File Number Two, but it’s hard to enjoy a game you know is likely going to crash again and get even less developer support than it had when it was a better, more popular, more playable game. They’re not going to waste resources on a game that’s already crashed once and isn’t ever going to get its big following back and make them the money they want. It’s not a good investment.

You barely log in anymore; you let your subscription fees lapse. Save File Number Two is nothing but a pale echo of the game you loved, and playing it mostly makes you sad (and a little bit angry at the developers for not providing better support.) You spend your time offline, logged out entirely. You’re not really sure for how long. Sometimes, a friend will nudge you to hop on and play a bit, and you’ll drag yourself up to make the effort for them, but it’s not doing anything for you. It’s mostly just making you sadder and angrier and trapped by either incompetent programmers or ones just not being paid enough to care that your whole way of connecting to people and relating to the world around you is basically reduced to an awful-to-play trashfire parody of itself. You write angrier emails to the developers. They insist that new players and most old guard players like you seem ~fine~ with the controls, aren’t struggling like you are with them; maybe the problem is that you’re depressed or have grown bored with the game, or are too lazy to learn the new interface?

Galled by the accusations of laziness and incompetence, you double down on Save File Number Two. You try your absolute damndest to memorize the new special attack combo move sequence. You befriend and romance the NPCs by blindly gifting them all your resources even though they speak basically gibberish; eventually you give them the right things to make them like you better, and you arduously complete the same friendship achievements that the first time felt like an adventure. You don’t actually feel attached to the NPCs, though, because you’re not sure what you did right or wrong, and your efforts don’t seem to directly correlate to how much they appreciate them, it’s just random whether or not you stumble into the right dialogue and gift selections. It feels mostly like playing BINGO with people. The engaging, multifaceted characters of before are just memories you mentally overlay over the character portraits so you can try to pretend you still have that connection to them. There are other players online, too, but the in game live communication system has been too buggy to use since the update, so the whole experience feels terribly lonely now.

Still, you’re not an incompetent idiot. Other people are enjoying this game. Other people are finding ways to make it playable for themselves. Surely, you can grind through this tedious morass and get back to where you were in Save File Number One and finally, *finally* progress further in the game. Your friends that play have caught back up; you’re not sure why you can’t seem to make the new controls work for you, why your character moves so jerkily, why the screen keeps randomly flashing all the text into alien letters and then back again. They say they aren’t having those issues, just the normal ones that went with the systemwide crash for everybody.

For the first time, you start asking everybody what the crash was for them, and what the update fixed. You find out that the crash was just people not being able to connect to the game, not anything that should’ve made things so unplayable for you. Nobody’s special attack move combo sequence was changed. Most people’s saved files were still playable. The NPC dialogue issue and translation issues seem to be something wrong with your machine, not something wrong with the game. No wonder the developers were so dismissive; they were *sure* they’d fixed *those* problems. And they were right! You just seem to have another problem, too. But they’re not responsible for problems with the console, just the game, and trying to get support from the *console* production company proves even more futile than trying to get it from the game developers. At least you’re not barking up the wrong tree anymore, though, right?

You can’t get a refund or a replacement, your warrantee is years out of date. They don’t sell new ones of this version of the console; you’d have to chuck the whole thing out and start over with a model several generations newer, and you can neither afford that nor want to go that far.

So you start taking apart your console. You’re not great with technology and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to you, but you ask your friends who have more experience. Eventually, you find a bunch of messed up wiring and a wad of what looks like lint and battery acid wedged up under the buttons. Your special attack move didn’t change, one of the buttons for it was just misfiring when you hit it, signaling twice or not at all, ruining the sequence. Digging a little further gets you more answers: tiny wires connected to the wrong things, or just straight up corroded away. You message the game developers asking what to do—should you try and cobble together repairs to this console or just give up and start over from scratch with a new one from the new generation? You just want to be able to play and basically enjoy the game you used to love.

Somebody at the game company actually sees your message and bothers to reply. It takes you a while to get your console to let you even read their message; it keeps flashing the letters into alien characters randomly. Eventually, you find out that they’d had a friend with a similar issue, and they’d tried a different solution: they’d gotten their old console professionally refurbished. It took finding a very particular specialist with a very specific skill set and a very long and expensive waitlist, but that if you’re attached to playing the game with this interface, it’s probably your best bet. You’ll have to pack up your broken console and send it off for an indefinite amount of time to be fixed, and you don’t know what it’ll cost you, but it’s literally the only option if you don’t want to just throw the whole experience in the trash and start over from scratch and hope you get a better console next time.

So you pack up the console. Lovingly, but exhaustedly, and with so much anxiety that you’ll never see it again. This is your whole life. Your only chance to get back to the story you’re so invested in and finish its arc and see what you can do with it. You pack it up, and you send it off, and you wait.

And you wait.

You message the restoration specialist, but they’re very busy and they haven’t gotten to you yet.

So you wait.

You can’t play the game without a console, so the most you can do is hover on message boards and FB groups about it, reading about each new update and unlocked achievement and even complaint with fierce jealousy and impatience. You just want to get back to the game. You just want to see how you’d be doing if you’d had a machine that worked, or even one you’d known was broken. You just want to be experiencing the game, part of the story, connected to the world.

You obsess, because there’s nothing else to focus on while you wait for the console to be repaired; you can really only be trying to prepare yourself to play the game better when the console comes back.

You start reading the game wiki and trying to understand how the game *works*. You go down rabbit holes about programming and game development and you end up knowing the game world better than you ever thought you could. You still can’t *access* it, but you know you’d be better at it than you were the first time. You could probably speedrun some of that shit.

Finally, the console comes back. It’s been *years* since you’ve seen it, handled it. You’ve been wrapped up in a net of its specs and in game trivia, but the actual object feels almost foreign in your hands. The restoration specialists have left a note: it’s refurbished and restored, but it’s a finicky machine now. It’s old, and fragile, and while it’s optimized to the best of what it can do, you shouldn’t expect it to behave like a brand new machine.

Fine, then. You can’t speedrun anything, but you can still at least play it better than before, right?

You load up the game. You log in. You play around a bit on Save File Number Two. And it *is* easier, it *is* better, than when you had the broken console. But it’s also not Save File Number One. You’ve got max hearts with a bunch of NPCs, but they’re not your actual favorites, they’re just the ones you lucked into the right dialogue+gift combo with when you couldn’t actually understand them. Now that you *can* understand them, it feels…wrong. Uncomfortable. The home base you’ve got, you built with whatever resources you had left over after trying desperately to win over the NPCs and it’s honestly a shambles. Your skill tree makes absolutely no sense and is way more stunted than all your friends’ because you couldn’t even operate your special attack combo move for so long. Not only is this not anything like Save File Number One, it also just…sucks.

You have a choice here. You can

a) say “screw it” and yeet the whole thing into the sun and hope the next game you play comes on a better console and has better developer support and a bunch of other factors you have zero control over;

b) double down on Save File Number Two again because you’ve already given it hundreds of hours, you’re *committed*…while comparing it endlessly to the memory of Save File Number One because it’s nothing but an attempted mirror of that file, feeding how many hundreds more hours of grinding into a game you are not enjoying for a save file you are not proud of or happy with or even especially attached to, since you’re considering throwing the whole thing out at all; or

c) make a new save file. Make one that isn’t trying to be Save File Number One. Make one where you play through from scratch with this refurbished console, learning its quirks as you go, as messily and organically as you did the first time, but not trying to mimic it. Trying to pick a new skill tree this time, one that works better with a controller that feels kind of laggy when you try old expert moves but just feels normal levels of unfamiliar that come with trying a new skill in a new game with new controls. It won’t be the perfect speedrun you dreamed of while the console was being refurbished, but you’ll actually be *playing the game* again, actually engaged with it in an organic way with *some* potential to enjoy the process.

You still miss Save File Number One. You’re still insanely proud of it, and how well you fumbled your way through the game that first time. You’re not really proud of Save File Number Two, but you suppose you should just be grateful you kept playing the game and didn’t give up entirely. Yeah, if you start a new one, the game could crash again, or your console could fail on you again, and you might lose everything all over. But surely it’s worth starting something potentially risky if it’s your only chance at actually enjoying your experience?

So you take a deep breath and you try not to think about it too hard and get bogged down in perfectionism before you start and you load up the game. This time, when the intro screen pops up, instead of “LOAD”, you pick “NEW.”

With Save File Number Three, you definitely do still befriend and romance some of the same NPCs as the first time around, because you’re just drawn to them, and you even enjoy some of the same aspects of gameplay. But you don’t worry about trying to get your skill tree to look like the one in Save File Number One. You don’t actually like the way these controls handle the finer aspects of that branch of the skill tree, so you try out others. It’s a broader tree, less tall, and you’re way behind on achievements as compared to your friends, but you’re actually enjoying the game now. You’re enjoying seeing the updates the developers have made, the way this console differs from the first time around, rather than feeling trapped by them. You’re not *really* behind anything; new players are joining every day. You make friends with some of them, too, and other players with refurbished controllers, because even if they’ve played hundreds of hours fewer than you have, or are way less far in the game than you’d gotten last time, they’ve got new tips and tricks that didn’t even exist when you played the first time. Your old friends give you some gentle shit about having n00b friends and getting game advice from memes, but their original consoles still work, and they don’t really get what it’s like to have to engage with gameplay piecemeal. You don’t mind; they love you, and they game with you, and if you don’t spend as much time directly with them as you used to, it’s just because you want them to see you as this Save File Number Three instead of comparing you to their memory of Save File Number One, like you had for so long. You don’t grudge them their love of the memory, but if you keep comparing yourself to it, you’re not going to be able to enjoy the game. You need to properly invest in Save File Number Three if you want to explore the story before your console gives out more permanently and you can’t afford whatever fancy repair is required.

And you do. Want to explore the story. You never *wanted* to throw out the game or your console, you just wanted to be able to *play the fucking game with a working console*. And it might be a slightly different game and a slightly different console than when you started last time, but you can either focus on that and waste what hours you have left on trying to recreate a memory that can never be recreated, or you can focus on relearning the game and enjoying the process.

So that’s what happened, and I’m doing the latter. Because if I don’t find a way to enjoy the game again, I’m going to throw my console into the sun. And I want to play through the whole damn game. I want to see my character go from the fumbling child she is now to a greying elder, surrounded by loving community. It won’t be the child I was once or the elder I might once have been or the community I’d planned, and I might not make it all the way to the greying end like I hope, but I will be playing the game and learning the controls like it’s new, and doing my best to feel joy in the journey of it.

I don’t feel like Alena. I don’t know what Save File Number Three’s name is, but trying to be Alena after my strokes hasn’t worked, and I’m tired of wasting everybody’s time, especially my own, pushing that rock uphill when I don’t even want to.

I don’t know what rock I’m pushing next. I don’t know. I don’t know my own name; none of them ring like a bell in my chest. I don’t know, and I love that you care, all of you, but I’m not her, and I don’t know who I’m becoming yet. I don’t know. Don’t ask me, and please, don’t try and tell me. I don’t want to just waste who I’m becoming by remembering me as I was and missing her. I want to be something new. I *have* to be somebody new. And I’ll keep what works, but I can’t carry the rest. I never should have tried, really, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Now that I know better, I have to try and do better, even if it means starting mostly over. Otherwise I’m never going to get to play at life again at all. And I truly, deeply want to. 💖

So yeah. Stay tuned to see what I become, I guess?

Upcoming Publication in SageWoman

I am incredibly excited to announce that my first ever creative nonfiction piece will be coming out in the Fall 2022 issue of SageWoman! This has been one of my favorite magazines since I was a little girl, and it’s a dream come true for my writing to be included in it.

You can preorder it at a discount here!

The piece is a personal essay, “Hel, Handwork, and the Orb Weaver,” focused on facing myself and the changes in my own brain since my strokes a few years ago, and the reorientations that has necessitated in both my artwork and my life. This is my first published narrative since my brain damage, and the first time I’m talking about it in full view of strangers. It feels like a really big step for me, and I’m proud of it.

If you enjoy paganism, feminism, magic, and associated creativity around those things, I absolutely recommend the magazine! There are also some other wonderful CNF and poetry pieces in this issue (including a fascinating article from Diana Paxson on the goddesses of Ukraine that I definitely didn’t illicitly read in my proofing copy, nope,) so if you’re able to support me by preordering a copy and/or sharing this with others, please do! 💖